Personal Reflections on the 2-day Meditation Class Oct. 28-29 2023

I often trouble myself with others' opinions that sometimes actually exist nowhere but in my own imagination, which might come from some unhealthy obsession with a perfect self image and the constant discrimination between desirable and undesirable. 


During the retreat, the Venerable reminded us to relax, be aware of our own bodily sensations, observe our own thoughts, and let them come and go. I tried to be a good student and follow her instructions, but I ended up getting even more stressed as I kept thinking if I did everything"in the correct way." It got worse on the second day because my seat was changed from the corner at the front to a place where I could see other participants. I wasn't aware of the cause until we were asked to line up and circle around the hall.

There, I felt more relaxed as I was again in a position that not many people would notice me. In the midst of a hectic session of fast-paced walking meditation, the Venerable suddenly stopped us, asking us: "Where is the pearl? Is it still shiny?" As my breathing rate gradually slowed down, I thought to myself: "It feels so good to live in the present moment. Since I am my own master, I should be able to focus on what I'm doing rather than others' opinions or my own illusory thoughts." 
It is totally absurd to say I had a magical transformation and started thinking and acting like a wise, composed and compassionate Chan master right after this two-day class as it must take time to practice meditation and see the real change. But it doesn't matter much if I can turn myself into a master or not as practicing mindfulness is already rewarding and enjoyable enough. 

In the end, I want to thank the Venerable, the instructors, the event organizers, and all the volunteers who made this class possible. Also thank you, who read through to the end of my novel. Have a mindful day.

With joined palms

Written by Leah