TRY

I try so hard to listen to many dhamma talks, join retreats, only to feel increasingly frustrated that I cannot quite get it. Even though my body is telling me I am so anxious and stressed, I ignore the signals of tight shoulders, back pain, and continue to drive myself harder; thinking only If I try harder, I might get it--my goal that I am trying hard to achieve--peace and ease, contentment and happiness. 
 
Maybe there is no need to try so hard. Maybe it is already here, maybe when I allow myself to slow down and relax and breathe. Just being here and now. Allow myself to just be. Only then can I sink into it. Maybe trying too hard is the very thing that is blocking it. Too much effort is a hindrance of being close to it -- at ease and feeling peace. Then I will finally find what it means you gain power by saving power. 
 
Written by Wendy Z. 2022.4.19
Photo：Vancouver Chan Meditation Centre 2022.4.19