How to Escape from the Haze of Emotions
I know a pair of young lovers who recently broke up. They had been together for three years and had been the best of friends since senior high school. Because the two families have had frequent interactions, it looked as though it was impossible for the pair to break up. Recently, however, they abruptly bid farewell to each other. This is because among the pair's classmates, there is a male student who is also very close to them. He was like their middleman, facilitating reconciliation when the pair quarreled. The three were always together, even after school hours.
After a while, the girl decided to run away with the other guy. She never quarreled with him, whereas the girl had been engaging in frequent fights with the guy she had spent three years with. The girl would spill her heart to her new boyfriend and he would console and encourage her. The girl thinks that her new boyfriend is better, but her ex-boyfriend almost committed suicide after they separated. He believes that his friend is detestable. From this case, we can see that preventing the incident before the fact is very important.
For someone passionately in love, losing a lover can cause a state of mind that is very difficult to adjust to. Physically and mentally, the pain is enormous - unless the couple quarrels frequently. If they quarrel to a point where a breakup is imminent, both sides probably won't feel any pain. But generally, it is the side that chooses to abandon the other that will not feel pain. Let's start with the side that chooses to abandon the other. He may find that his ideas are incompatible with his old lover.
With the emergence of the third party, his feelings for the third party may be stronger. He may be a fickle person in affections. His eyes are filled only with the new lover's advantages and strengths. After frequent falling-outs with his old lover when things don't go his way, he feels that his old lover is detestable.
The many good points from the first moment of love are completely forgotten and he only remembers and exaggerates the most abominable parts. Therefore, it's impossible for the relationship to have a favorable conclusion. When someone new appears, he feels that his new lover yields and adapts to him. In addition, he feels that his new lover is great and he shifts his emotion to this new lover quickly. As to whether there will be another shift in emotions in the future, I think it is very possible. Therefore, in love affairs, the emergence of a third party is unfavorable because the existing romance becomes more fragile.
In dealing with love affairs, we shouldn't be too naive. If the guy wants his lady to become his wife, he cannot ask that his lover harmonize with him in every way or take care of the family and himself. Rather, both sides should harmonize with and take care of each other. He should not expect the other to be his everything or to be completely docile and obedient. In this manner, conflicts are minimized. If we could give a little more protection and care, and a little less fuss, discipline and domination, affections could be enduring.
If we break up with our lover, we may feel great pain in the beginning. There may even be some who may think of becoming a monk or a nun and are unwilling to jump back into the fiery pit again. But under these circumstances, it is not advisable to enter into religion. Those crossed in love should face it, accept it, handle it and let it go. Most importantly, we should let it go and tell ourselves that this is an experience of failure.
We should also tell ourselves that this experience of failure is very good and convert it into a form of growth. In the future, we should not make the same mistake again and we can find another person to love. Even if we can't find such a person, it is not very important. But if we were to lose our lives over failures in love, it would be very foolish.